I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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