you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Randomize
