We're like a lot better than the average bears
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
