yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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