So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
