she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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