I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
