I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
