just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
