dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
