hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
