Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
