he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
