mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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