dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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