I feel like I'm in dance class right now
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
