batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
