No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
