So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
