Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
