my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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