in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
