That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
