His pubic hair was longer than his dick
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
