im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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