there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
