paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
