We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
