If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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