he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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