I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
