do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
