yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
