Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
