I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
