No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
