what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
