i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
