i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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