alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
