my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
