I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
