let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
