Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
