Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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