the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
