I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
