It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
