You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I came so hard my ears popped.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
