The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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